Many years ago, before I dove deeper into the personal development journey, I created a basic vision board of the things I thought I wanted.
Not surprisingly we are constantly brainwashed by society and media with the things we’re supposed to want such as fast cars, money, fame, success, the spotlight etc.
So, it seems reasonable for a newbie to turn to those things first. Let’s give them a try and see how they feel, right? Are they going to make me happy? So I put in the vision board a picture of photographers aiming at the observer (me).
And so it happened…
Fast forward several years, I found myself traveling to many countries in the world for work. During a business trip in New Delhi, I took a Saturday to explore the main monuments in the city and I constantly got stopped by groups of guys in their twenties or so, who wanted to take pictures with me.
According to my tour guide, this is pretty common in India, when local guys see a solo traveler from abroad (Caucasian, but also Chinese or any ethnicity that feels ‘exotic’), they ask to snap photos and post them on Facebook showing everyone their new ‘friend’.
India is by no means the only place where this happens to foreigners. It occasionally happens in China, Indonesia, Philippines, and other countries too, but progressively less as they get accustomed to seeing foreigners. And having traveled regularly to all of them I can say that in none of those places it was as regular, frequent and ‘pressing’ as it was in Delhi.
Basically, it was only at the monuments of Delhi that I got the first-hand feel that actors or sportsman get, of being stopped at every corner by complete strangers who just want to get a photo.
Turns out it’s just… annoying
Although I gladly submitted myself to the process to make the locals happy, I realized it quickly became awkward and slightly annoying.
It is something you do to be polite but once you envision it as a daily task, it becomes a nuisance.
Also, it feels quite hollow. Because you haven’t touched any of those people in the deep. Yes, you might claim that if they truly admired you for your work, that would feel different. But would it?
How many people who stop movie stars on the street, feel a deep admiration for their work or have changed their own lives for the better, because of it? As opposed to all those who just want a photo for their Instagram to show off with their friends?
And then it happened again… with my work
And then I went through another version of the photo taking. This time it was more meaningful.
As I did my own series of seminars in different countries, it often happened that participants wanted to take a photo with me at the end.
It didn’t add anything special to the whole experience, but it was just a nice way to connect with people with whom I’d shared a deeply meaningful experience through the training.
That’s when I had a big realization. I loved how I could be friends with the people I had facilitated the training for. The depth of the experience just brought us closer together. I’ve met other great mentors along my journey and the most authentic ones were happy to be friends with their mentee, see their growth and mix work and play.
That photo-taking felt nice because it was more like the picture you take with your friends on holiday. You’re taking a memory of a meaningful experience.
Unfortunately, I’ve seen also seen the opposite side of the spectrum, with a lot of gurus and stars and most people who try to emulate their steps: they do it for the ego.
They want to be on that big stage or position, so they can draw a line between them and their audience. The photo-taking, the attention they get, is the mark of an unequal relationship. But it’s very shallow. It feels no different than taking pics with strangers from India.
Why I don’t want to be famous and you don’t want either
Through this all, I realized it’s much better to be in relationships with equals. To do work and business with people you can be friends with, to stay humble and connected with the deeper reality that all roles we play are ultimately artificial.
Physically we’re just humans standing next to each other. Or in a picture next to each other. We don’t go around with a sign over our head that says ‘higher status’ or ‘lower status’, so living that way ultimately means being disconnected from the ultimate reality, is deeply deluded.
That’s why fame is hollow: it’s simply delusional.
It was nice to put that in my vision board and get a taste of it, only to realize how sweet it is to be normal. To take a walk without being recognized, nor envied, admired or hated. Without simply getting any attention, so you can relax, walk and smell the roses.
In a world where everybody’s trying to be someone, how sweet it feels at times to be no one. Without an artificial self-image painted in the head to constantly either defend or aggrandize.
That’s why I realized I never truly wanted to be famous. And you don’t want too.
