There is one principle in personal growth that is absolutely essential to recognize early on, because it has the potential forestall one’s entire development, if misinterpreted.
And here it is: things usually get worse before they get better.
Whenever you set an intention and actively work towards a goal, there tends to be a general worsening of the situation at the onset. This can come in the form of an inner resistance or reaction, but surprisingly even in the form of external events.
You set off to a new endeavor and ironically stuff starts breaking, hiccups happen, money is lost, accidents get in the way. But this gets even more obvious when you set an internal goal, maybe you work to get a calmer mind and it gets even more agitated, or you take a course to improve your life and get only more frustration out of it. That’s perfectly normal.
This is akin to taking medicines: occasionally medicine may worsen the symptoms at the initial stage, before the disease is cured. It’s like bringing all the symptoms to the surface, allowing their full expression, before they plateau and finally leave the body.
This is principle is particularly obvious with inner work and any form of shadow work. Whatever is supposed to leave your mind and body, first needs to fully come to the surface of consciousness.
That is why, for example, healing past traumas can be so painful. Because the trauma needs to fully be relived and reinterpreted consciously, while the natural tendency of the mind is to push it down to the subconscious layers where it can cause less hurt.
Another clear example is what’s often experienced by beginner meditators. They turn to meditation in hope to find some peace of mind, only to end up with a highly agitated mind, full of thoughts, and conclude that meditation doesn’t work for them.
As a matter of fact, it’s not that their mind has turned more agitated. Simply, by increasing their level of awareness they have finally witnessed the level of agitation of their own minds. It’s like turning up the volume on the background noise generated by their own thoughts. It’s good! But it doesn’t feel that way and one may easily be scared off the journey at the first step.
The same phenomenon is observable in any area of personal growth: you try to build self-confidence only to find yourself in more awkward situations, you try to get better at dating only to find yourself facing more rejections, you try to relax the body, only to experience more tension (in reality, you’re just becoming aware of the tensions)
Whenever you zero in on any aspect of yourself that you want to change, your level of awareness is heightened, and so it does seem that symptoms get worse, simply because you become fully conscious of them
But that awareness is precisely the cure. By keeping the focus and awareness on what you want to change, you are already dissolving the old patterns.
However, the process can get particularly tricky, as one is inclined to think: this technique is not working Or, rather: this is wasted effort, as things seem to be getting even worse!
Wrong! If things get worse at the beginning, that’s a great sign! It means whatever you’re doing is working, you’re on the right path! Things are supposed to get worse, before they get better. That’s one of the many counterintuitive principles of life that push so many people away from the path to self-development.
Next time you set an intention and work towards a goal, only to witness things getting worse, think of the process like taking off on a plane: it only gets bumpy and you feel the high pressure because you’re soaring to new heights. Soon, once you’re above the clouds, the ride will feel smooth and the view look amazing.
