We’ve all been there before. That feeling that your life isn’t going anywhere. That no matter how hard you try, you always seem to find yourself in the same place.
Life as an unfair game
Maybe you’re feeling like no matter how hard you work, you never reap the rewards you deserve, while people around you are always receiving 10X payback for their efforts. The irony is that probably they’ve often felt the same way too!
To be honest, I’m guilty as charged of this crime. I’ve felt stuck more often than I should have. If like me, you’re a driven person, passionate about self-improvement and always curious about new experiences, then feeling stuck may almost seem like a physiological consequence.
There’s a cure
In this post, I’m going to share one key reframe that acts at the root of your whole feeling stuck. It’s such a powerful reframe that if you choose to take action and apply it consistently, it will permanently eliminate the problem of feeling stuck from your life. Forever.
Before we jump into it, let’s make a few considerations around being stuck and its meaning.
First of all, feeling stuck is not such a bad thing, because it’s akin to a signal, that we’re called towards a higher stage of our personal evolution. The main reason we feel stuck is that we sense a dormant potential trapped inside us and the feeling is like a little nudge, a reminder that we should do something about it: we cannot just settle for our current circumstances.
It’s a positive thing: understand first that there’s no point resisting the feeling or expecting that it should go away. It’s much better to embrace it as a signal pointing you towards the next phase of your evolution.
Understand that time is relative
Another important aspect is to realize that– even when it seems that we’re completely stuck, in life, career or any other area, and we’re not moving forward by an inch– we’re never really stuck. Everything is always moving and evolving in nature, even though the change can be so imperceptible at times, that it takes months, years or even longer, to finally witness any visible and dramatic change.
When I look at my life, if I take a short time horizon, like a month, it often happens that I may feel stuck. Perhaps nothing visible happens in that month and I feel like I’m wasting my time. Then things move forward a bit, only to find myself stuck again. And again.
But then, at the end of the year, in one of those New Year’s Eve magic moments, I just scroll through the photos on my iPhone to contemplate all I’ve done, and it suddenly hits me: wow! I’ve done so much in the end! I’m so much better off compared to a year ago, how could it be then, that I felt stuck all the time?!
I’m sure it happened to you as well. When you look at your next step, when you compare your current situation with your goals and ambitions, it’s so easy to feel stuck. But once you look back instead of forward, once you take a longer timeframe, like a year, or two years, or five years… then it’s much easier to marvel at your own journey and exclaim: wow, I never imagined I’d come this far!
So, that’s the first insight right there. Feeling stuck is essentially a problem of perspective. And nothing else. Rewards in life are often non-linear, so your feeling stuck comes from a misalignment between your perspective or expectations and the actual pace of reality.
When you look at your next step, it’s so easy to feel stuck. But once you look back instead of forward, once you take a longer timeframe, like a year, then it’s much easier to marvel at your own journey
Changing your questions
What you need here is essentially one giant reframe, one that allows you to stay motivated to pursue change even when nothing seems to change in your current reality.
So here we go: the whole reason why you’re feeling stuck is that you’re asking yourself the wrong questions.
Anytime you feel stuck you’re essentially asking yourself: why don’t I have that job or position, yet? Why don’t I have that amount of money, yet? Why don’t I know what to do next, yet? Why don’t I know what is my passion, yet?
You’re subconsciosly asking yourself why your reality hasn’t matched your expectations yet and from this place, logically, you feel stuck.
It’s a game you can never win, do you see?
But you’ll never feel stuck again, if you simply stop asking yourself the wrong questions and start ask the only one that makes sense at all times. Here is your question:
What is one thing that I can contribute right now?
That’s all. Every time you feel stuck, you only ask yourself this. What is something you can create, give, produce, fix, offer, build, that has value for someone right now?
It can be anything: an article, a painting, a fund-raiser, cleaning your desktop from icons, a smile, the initial two pages of your first book, organizing a reunion or get-together, a kind message, a business.
What is something you can contribute now? Nothing else. The only reason you’ve felt stuck all this time is because you haven’t been focusing on the one and only thing that always moves you, everyone and everything forward: contribution and value creation. Ironically, that’s the thing that will also get you unstuck, in due time.
Notice that you cannot focus on contributing something and feel stuck in life at the same time. The moment you focus on contributing anything that adds value to anything or anyone, you immediately stop feeling stuck.
You’ve felt stuck all this time because you haven’t been focusing on the one and only thing that always moves you, everyone and everything forward: contribution and value creation. Ironically, that’s the thing that will get you unstuck, in due time.
That’s your big reframe. That’s the fundamental reason behind your feeling stuck: wrong questions. And if you apply this – and not only read it and agree intellectually– you’ll never be stuck again.
Go out there now and as you go through your day, anytime you feel stuck in life or career ask yourself the question: what is one thing that I can contribute right now? As small as it can be. Then slowly watch the magic unfold, because from now on, nothing can possibly keep you stuck.
Also published on Medium.
