What if…

You were so busy chasing after things you think you want (that won’t make you happy)

That you’re missing out on things…

That you truly want…

But you don’t even know they exist… or that you want them?

Have you considered this possibility?

I was blown away by … fishes

I recently went on a trip to West Papua in Indonesia. It took very long to get there, I stayed on a tiny island, in a local guesthouse.

I had to take two airplanes, a ferry and a speedboat to reach.

I was sleepy and tired, the sky was cloudy on the day that I arrived. I’ve travelled to a lot of exotic places, spending time on white powdery beaches and crystal clear (or blue) waters.

Because of the tiredness and the cloudy weather my mind started to go like: “alright maybe all this trouble wasn’t worth it. I’ve already seen too many tropical beaches, maybe it just doesn’t impress me anymore. I could have done something different on this trip..”.

And so on for a while, I was nearly regretting my decision. The guesthouse had a diving center as most people travel to the place for diving, but I dont’t have a license and wasn’t planning to get one. I’ve never had much interest in marine life and although I had seen nice fishes or reefs in the past. But this was never a passion for me or a reason for travelling. Fishes are nice, but that was about it.

However, there I was, so I decided to do some snorkeling around the island reef to kill some time.

And… OH MY GOD!

Never before I had seen such a triumph of colors, shapes, forms. Fishes of all the colors of the rainbow around me, corals of infinite shapes and beauty amongst that heavenly blue water.

I snorkelled for almost two hours in pure awe. When I emerged I was surprised it was that late. As I was going through the fishes I had the clear recognition that I was living one the peak experiences of my life.

I instinctively thought: ‘swimming among these fishes in West Papua will be one of the things I’ll remember in my deathbed’

But underwater life wasn’t a reason why I’d booked that trip and was never a big interest of mine. I never expected fishes to possibly represent one of the highlights of my entire life.

And yet there I was, overwhelmed by beauty. Awestruck.

And not so blown away by… Lamborghini

I like to contrast this with another experience that instead I’d always thought I wanted.

Society plays a big role in shaping our desires and influencing our choices especially during our upbringing, based on our gender, geography, culture etc.

Not surprisingly, as a little boy I grew up playing with toy cars and liking cars.

I was a bright kid and so I quickly learned all the different brands and models and my grandpa used to take me out for a walk so I could point to the cars  and guess the model. I was very good at it.

Male adults in particular, used to talk about cars at that time, my fathers’ friends would show him the new model they’d bought and vice-versa.

There was no Uber yet, so cars were always a big thing, both as a status display and as a necessity.

Growing up I lost a great deal of my interest for cars as I developed a myriad of other interests and hobbies. But the concept that cars were something special was there, sculpted in the back of my head, mostly from social conditioning.

Somehow I thought that one day, if became rich and successful, I could buy a Lamborghini or some exotic ride and get a special feeling from it.

And then one day I got the opportunity to take a Lamborghini for a spin. And I realized that… well, it was just a car.

I’m sure there are people who authentically enjoy cars and know a great deal about the engine, their features and all. And for them it truly makes sense to cultivate this passion and possibly own some of these luxury vehicles.

But for me, I realized, it wasn’t a special feeling at all. The only noticeable thing was the attention I got from the outside world. But the feeling of driving a supercar wasn’t something so different from driving a regular Toyota. It was still me steering the wheel and going from place to place.

I had the chance to drive other supercars through the years and the experience was less than remarkable.

So I realized…

This was one of the things I thought I wanted… that in the end I discovered, I didn’t want that much.

So what’s your fishes and what’s your Lambo?

Because social conditioning is so strong, it becomes very hard to tell what we truly want.

Even after years of personal development work, you may think “oh clarifying my desires is so foundational, I do have my vision board, I have my goals clear, I am tapped in”, but life keeps tricking you and to connect authentically with our own desires is an ongoing and ever-evolving process, which requires a constant review.

And as we go through life experiences, it isn’t until we get the chance to try and get a bite of here and there, that we finally become clear on whether something was worthwhile or not. But we must have the honesty and open mindedness to let go of those desires sometimes, regardless of how high up people around us hold them in their value systems. And vice-versa, we need the honesty and open mindedness to surrender to the beauty and awe of the unexpected.

Make a list of all the best experiences you had in life. The things you’ll remember when you die.

How many of them were things you had actively been pursuing or expecting?

How many of them were instead things you had little idea that you wanted or had pursued altogether, until they happened to you?

Well, it might surprise you that a lot of your best memories in life came from the second scenario.

If that is the case, then how would you live differently from now on?

How would your perspective change if you were to realize that life knows better than you do? To realize that sometimes, for life to get sweeter, it requires that you move away from the driver’s seat for a while?

Or to realize that everyone might be so busy looking in the wrong direction, missing out on the pot of gold right under our feet?

There are things you don’t know you want out there and right inside of you. And they’re waiting for you to let go of your false desires, so they can show you the true magic of life.

Also published on Medium.